so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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