I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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