All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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