I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
