Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
