Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
