Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
