If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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