He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
