bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
