That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
