it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
