I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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