$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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