I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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