i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
