East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
