so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
