he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Success! We fucked roommates!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
