Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
