whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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