he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
