it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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