office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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