2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
