i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
