u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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