Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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