Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
