take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
