Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
