DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
