Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
whose ass print is on the piano?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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