He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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