woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
