no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
