Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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