Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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