In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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