Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
