you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
third nipple confirmed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
