she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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