what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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