I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found your dick twin last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
