I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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