just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
