girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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