I can text with my tongue
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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