see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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