he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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