i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
