We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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