I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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