He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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