these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
