Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
