Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
