I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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