So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
