never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
