Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
