I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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