Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
